What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
