jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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