he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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