Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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