I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
