I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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