If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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