my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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