Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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