I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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