I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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