I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
