Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
