the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
