I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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