he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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