Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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