I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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