How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
