I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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