Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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