I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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