grandma shit on top of the toilet
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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