i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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