Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
