There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
being pregnant is like rehab
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
