home. puking in laundry basket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she told me i tasted like america
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
