She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
