Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
