no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
