Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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