I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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