I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize