Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fuck appropriateness.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
