I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
