Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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