you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
