im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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