I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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