I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize