I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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