Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
