There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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