We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My balls are so social today.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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