I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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