bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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