Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
