Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
