He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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