why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
