Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
