A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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