you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
