The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
