I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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