I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
