I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Four minutes until I can fart!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
