So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
try to milk me bitch
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