I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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