Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
two words: eviction party
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
