Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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