just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
