Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
