I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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