We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
