Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
