I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
