; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The air was thick with penises
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
