The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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