At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize