I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
