Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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