Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
