You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
