On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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