I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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