dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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