Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she pinky promised me she was 18
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
