wanna go halves on a baby?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
